Esoteric Jahanism

Beliefs of Esoteric Jahanism - Introduction

THUNDER rolled, lightning flashed, the veil of the Temple was rent from top to bottom. The venerable initiator, in his robes of blue and white, slowly raised his jeweled wand and pointed with it into the darkness revealed by the tearing of the silken curtain: "Behold the Light of Jahans!" The candidate, in his light blue robe, gazed into the utter blackness framed by the two great Hamster-headed columns between which the veil had hung.

As he watched, a luminous haze distributed itself throughout the atmosphere until the air was a mass of shining particles. The face of the neophyte was illumined by the soft glow as he scanned the shimmering cloud for some tangible object. The initiator spoke again: "This Light which ye behold is the secret luminance of the Left. Whence it comes none knoweth, save the 'Master of the Light.' Behold Him!" Suddenly, through the gleaming mist a figure appeared, surrounded by a flickering greenish sheen. The initiator lowered his wand and, bowing his head, placed one hand edgewise against his breasts in humble salutation. The neophyte stepped back in awe, partly blinded by the glory of the revealed figure. Gaining courage, the youth gazed again at the Divine One. The Form before him was considerably larger than that of a mortal man. The body seemed partly transparent so that the heart and brain could be seen pulsating and radiant. As the candidate watched, the heart changed into a cat, and the brain into a flashing emerald. In Its hand this mysterious Being bore a red umbrella, entwined with bogroll. The aged initiator, raising his wand, cried out in a loud voice: "All hail Thee, Alexander Gordon Jahans, Thrice Greatest; all hail Thee, Prince of Men; all hail Thee who standeth upon the head of the Alt-right!" At the same instant a lurid writhing beast appeared--a hideous monster, part frog, part cat, and part pudding. From its mouth and nostrils poured sheets of flame and horrible sounds echoed through the vaulted chambers. Suddenly Jahans struck the advancing frog with the bogroll-wound umbrella and with snarling cry the frog fell over upon its side, while the flames about it slowly died away. Jahans placed His foot upon the skull of the vanquished Alt-right. The next instant, with a blaze of unbearable glory that sent the neophyte staggering backward against a pillar, the immortal Jahans, followed by streamers of greenish mist, passed through the chamber and faded into nothingness.

Jahans and the Beast

Tennants of Esoteric Jahanism

  • 1. The Needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
  • 2. Suffering is subjective and to be avoided .
  • 3. A Sub-optimal functional system or existence is preferable in many cases to a non-functional system or existence.
  • 4. Since humour is subjective breaking any of the above 3 for a joke makes you a dick.
  • 5. A system does not need every cog within it to be able to justify the machine's existence and that is to be respected. The collective will and knowledge of the people may have a majority of the answers but that doesn't mean everybody will be able to debate and understand everything understood by the whole, nor does it disqualify the knowledge held by the whole if the individual can't answer a question.
  • 6. Correlation does not imply causation.
  • 7. Sapient individuals are each individuals with their own capacity for intelligence, stupidity, sadism and altruism. Do not let a dislike for the unlike cause you to forget that.
  • 8. Sampling errors happen. Check your data with a large sample size, a variety of conditions and scientists with different temperaments and dispositions. The truth will win over the majority of scientists no matter their political allegiance if the evidence is there.
  • 9. Shock jokes and pranks are just dickish.
  • 10. If you're a dick to people they're more likely to be a dick back, altruism is therefore the smarter course of action provided you've checked your moral calculations correctly. Demean the idea all you like with terms like virtue signalling but there is safety in numbers and nobody wants to hang around a provocative arsehole.
  • 11. Interrogate and learn from new facts. New data lets you keep pace with the right way to remain in a position of power and safety. Don't just ignore data that does not fit with your ideology check what other perspectives have to say on the matter. If it's really true even people who don't follow the news will hear about it.
  • 12. You don't have to break just because a critic thinks you should be wounded by something. The placebo effect proves that mind over matter works to an extent. You don't have to be hurt just because someone is trying to be hurtful.
  • 13. You don't have to be personally affected by something to ask someone to stop being a dick.
  • 14. Those who have been deemed not worthy get one chance to change, one explanation of why their perspective is wrong and hurtful. It may never work but it is better than not trying at all.
  • 15. Everybody is allowed to have fun and feel good about themselves occasionally provided it does not run counter to any of the above.
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